Things just aren't that complicated for me.

About Earl

Mythologies have arisen and rumors have spread about my early life and shadowy past.  The fact is, I was sewn in a sweat shop, unceremoniously packed into a crate with a bunch of dullard dolls, and put on display in a most undignified manner at some small-town toy shop.  Fortunately, I was recognized for who I am by an unusually alert human and given a clean (if questionably-appointed)  home with a couple of musicians.  Life isn’t too bad.  I mostly sleep, watch movies, and mess about on the internet when my people aren’t around.

For those egoists out there who think I was named after you, think again.  I was named after a famous entertainer, whose last name is a household word in some elevated circles, and of whom Uncle Dave Macon famously inquired, “You’re not a bit funny, are you?”

Movies are my passion and everything I didn’t learn on the internet, I absorbed through unblinking eyes watching movies as a nightly ritual.  My goal in life is to be a famous film critic.  But my people are just plain slothful about bringing home the sawbucks, and they had to cancel my Netflix subscription just when things were getting good.  I took over as their manager to improve the overall financial outlook but everyone knows it’s just plain stupid to try to make a living as a musician, especially now when everyone thinks music is free to download at will.

On the  symmetrical date of 1/1/11, I figured it was high time I offered to share some of my inspiring insights with the world at large.  And what better way than offering sage advice to the masses of impulsive idlers, love-lorn lackwits, and the rest of the grammatically-challenged neanderthals that comprise the downtrodden denizens of the internet.   I have opinions and they should be heard.

What makes me so smart? Well, for one thing, I was sewn that way.  Just take one look at my incredibly photogenic mug and you’ll see that the wisdom of the ages fairly emanates from my every seam.  Besides, I have spent endless hours watching movies, seeing every conceivable plot situation featuring the greatest actors of all time pouring heart and soul into their interpretations; Astaire & Rogers, Bogart, Bergman, Cooper, Grant, Fudd, Marx, Dumont, Oyl and Boop.

One prevailing theme arises from the work of these great artists, and that is man’s inhumanity to monk.  I’m here to help you with that.


Because I’m a sock monkey, and things just aren’t that complicated for me.


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